No Pineapple Left Behind has been released!

Buy it now on Steam.


  • Nine different schools, each with unique features and challenges
  • Manage the school’s curriculum, students, and staff without going bankrupt
  • Cast magic spells like “Trigonomancy” or “Covalency” to teach students
  • Dehumanize students in order to improve grades
  • Work teachers to exhaustion and then fire them
  • Dismantle the teacher’s union
  • A sport called Fruitbol in which children throw pineapples at each other

It’s been a long, long two years of development, with lots of highs, lows, hijinks, and shenanigans. We hope you enjoy the results.

Posted in Announcements, Development

Closed Beta Release


We have released a closed beta of No Pineapple Left Behind. We’re only a few months away from releasing the final version of the game!

Do you want to help us test the beta? If so, here is a list of 200 Steam keys. Please take only one. Be sure to add your profile name to the list so that people know that that key is taken.

Please note:

  • Steam keys will be valid for the final release. We’re basically handing out  free copies of the game because we think you’re awesome.
  • If you don’t know what to do with a Steam key, go make a Steam account here.

The beta has:

  • All 9 schools
  • All 12 magic spell effects
  • Tons and tons of graphical updates, UI improvements, bug fixes
  • Creepy vice principals that can hack kids’ brains
  • A minigame that might involve kids throwing pineapples at each other
Posted in Announcements, Development

Farewell to Mastertronic

Mastertronic, our publisher, announced this past week that has entered administration (as they say in England), and the company is no more. You can read about it here.

We’re sad to see them go; we have worked with Mastertronic for a little under a year, and they have been instrumental in helping us spread the word about the game, reach deadlines on time, craft excellent promotional trailers, etc.

The good news is that this only moderately affects the rest of the development timeline on the game. We are currently aiming to release a closed beta within a week, and we are hoping to release the full version of the game mid-January or early February. The game will still be on Steam (we’re working right now with Valve to transfer full admin rights to us) and it will still be awesome.

Posted in Announcements, Development

ALPHA UPDATE: Gregarious Gooseberry

The Gregarious Gooseberry is a free update for the No Pineapple Left Behind alpha. Download here.

Major changes:

  • We fixed TONS of bugs. If it was broken in the previous build (Fastidious Fig), it probably works now
  • We made TONS of UI improvements too.
  • We added a whole new level to the game
  • Two new subjects (each with their own magic spell): Science and Cantaloupian
  • We added school supplies, which can be added to spells as buffs (for a price)
  • The game is in general much more challenging and fun
  • If you donated to our alpha, your name is in the credits!

For a list of all changes, please refer to the changelog.

Posted in Announcements

Update: Fastidious Fig C

We just released an update for the No Pineapple Left Behind alpha. Download here.Thanks to all of your feedback, we have identified a lot of bugs that eluded us. These are some quick fixes:

  • Many people noticed a bug in which teachers/children/pineapples could not leave the cafeteria. This was very hard for us to spot, because it seems to only occur on slower machines! We fixed this by allowing entities to walk through cafeteria tables. We are now working at a better long-term solution.
  • Fixed: It is possible for students to morph twice
  • Fixed: Clock is often not the correct time on load
  • Fixed: First level objectives label doesn’t set correctly on load (money is always $0/$5000)
  • Fixed: Crash if unfriender laser zaps a student without friends
  • Fixed: Various errors in child attributes between saving and loading
  • Fixed: Intro music does not loop
  • Fixed: Frederick win screen text is inaccurate
  • Fixed: Budget label does not set correctly on load (decrements instead)
  • Fixed: Breaking up with someone gives you an ex trait with yourself (and they do not get an ex trait)
Posted in Uncategorized


Free download here.

How it works:

  • It’s free
  • Download it
  • If you really like it and you can donate, please do

Please tell us what you think

This is definitely a free alpha of No Pineapple Left Behind and definitely not a demo of the final product of the game. There will be bugs. And, there will be unbalanced/broken/boring mechanics.

Remember the old saying: “If you see something, report it on

What is in the alpha:

  • Two of the nine levels in the game:
    • William Walker Middle School: This is basically a tutorial level
    • Frederick Jackson Turner Center for Achievement: Learn how to deal with late buses and some new advanced features
  • Features:
    • Comprehensive tutorial for everything listed below
    • Hire faculty
    • Assign magic spells to each teacher to teach classes
    • Assign lasers to each teacher to manipulate the feelings of children
    • Unlock new spells and lasers using XP
    • Adjust teacher salaries
    • Fire teachers if they are burned out
    • Children have very sophisticated AI behaviors, which include character traits, social networks, and daily goals
    • Deal with school quests (or ignore them)

What is NOT in the alpha:

  • Seven other scenarios
  • Various art/sound/animation assets
  • Features
    • Cops
    • Scheduling Mode
    • Overcrowding classrooms
    • Expel students
    • Detention
    • Librarians
    • Sports
    • Vice Principals
    • Teacher’s Lounge
    • Utilities
    • Administrative decisions
    • Localization
  • Probably a lack of bugs
Posted in Uncategorized


Wetereologi is a Cantaloupian magic spell in No Pineapple Left Behind. It’s really funny. This is why.

Cantaloupian is the foreign language requirement in NPLB’s school. It was constructed by Jared Gimbel. Cantaloupian is based on a mashup of 12+ languages, and every single word involves wordplay in at least one of them (often more).

Wetereologi” means “verb conjugation” in Cantaloupian. According to Jared, wetereo is Maori for “linguistics, grammar, syntax”. The new Cantaloupian word looks a lot like the English word “meteorology“.

So, in a Wetereologi spell, meteors containing conjugated forms of the Cantaloupian verb “to do” rain from the sky and shatter into their constituent letters upon impact.

We hope that the pyrotechnics of the graphical effect (and that weird dance that the teacher performs) are funny enough for everyone. But we hope that  when you, dear reader, play the game, you will find Wetereologi extra-amusing.

Posted in Announcements

No Principal Left Behind Internship Program EPISODE 3: CAMBRIANVILLE

Part 3 of x of the No Principal Left Behind Internship Program in which YOU will learn how to be a successful principal.

No Pineapple Left Behind is set in New Bellona, and each of the city’s school districts is an in-game level, each with unique objectives and new features.

In the Rutherford B. Hayes Academy of Academic Excellence (located in Cambrianville), David Jefferson is wearing makeup. You must make sure that he is not teased for a week. Will you set up a comprehensive anti-bullying policy? Or will you dehumanize David into a pineapple?

Posted in Development

Laser Museum


Download for Windows

Download for Mac

The Laser Museum is: an actual development tool that we use at Subaltern Games to design Lasers and is also the best misunderstanding ever.

Every laser in the game has at least three components: an origin effect, a beam, and an end effect (some lasers have more than one of these). Danger, our Special Effectspert, made a bunch of variants of each option. Seth, our Captain of Industry, requested a “museum” that would allow him to see all of the options at once. That way, he could say something like: “I want a laser with Origin 5, Beam 2, and Aura 12” and Danger could create the laser quickly.

Seth sincerely wanted this “museum” to be a reference sheet, perhaps a pdf (we know that’s what he wanted because he is writing this post). Danger instead created a Laser Museum, which is a game-like creation where you can walk around and look at laser effects.

Subaltern Games now uses the laser museum whenever it is time to create a new effect. Have fun walking around and seeing how our creative process works!

Posted in Development

No Principal Left Behind Internship Program EPISODE 2: LASERS

Part 2 of x of the No Principal Left Behind Internship Program in which YOU will learn how to be a successful principal.

Early on in the development of No Pineapple Left Behind, we decided that the player needed to be able to directly manipulate a child’s life goals, which we call “quests”. We originally planned to include a robust and subtle dialogue system between a teacher and a struggling student, but instead we added lasers.

Your default laser when you hire a teacher is the Negatory Laser. This laser will automatically end a child’s quest and switch it with something else.

By spending Experience Points, you can unlock more powerful lasers, such as the Cheating Bolt which, two-thirds of the time, inflates a child’s grades, but one-third of the time costs the school three hundred dollars.

Be careful! Lasers cost Energy, the same stat used for casting magic spells. If your teachers give too much individual attention to a child, they might be too tired to teach the entire class.

In the next video, you will learn about child traits and how to deal with cross-dressing students.

Posted in Announcements, Development

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