You tweet your succcess story. Others will emulate you. By this time next week, Ralph Lauren will file for bankruptcy.\n\nAnyway.\n\n[[Better head to work]].\n\n<<set $stability = $stability - 10 >>\n<<display 'Status'>>
You scrub the sink quite vigorously with the toothbrush. After about an hour, you have receive 30000 points from Crest! After totalling up all of your discounts on Crest purchases, it looks like you won't have to pay for toothpaste for a month.\n\n[[I have to tell the world!|Crest]]\n\n<<set $consumerPoints = $consumerPoints + 30000>>\n<<set $steps = $steps + 1>>\n\n<<display 'Status'>>
You absent-mindedly push your toothbrush across the sink and, much to your surprise, receive 1 point from Crest.\n\nApparently, there is a bug in Crest's gamification...\n\n[[Keep brushing the sink]].\n\n<<set $consumerPoints = $consumerPoints + 1>>\n<<set $steps = $steps + 5>>\n\n<<display 'Status'>>
Another 1500 points. Huh.\n\n[[I have to tell the world!|Ralph Lauren]]\n\n<<set $consumerPoints = $consumerPoints + 1500>>\n<<set $steps = $steps + 10>>\n\n<<display 'Status'>>
<<set $consumerPoints = 12820>>\n<<set $adWatcherPoints = 3320>>\n<<set $steps = 1>>\n<<set $stability = 100>>\n<<set $devRank = 1>>\n<<set $klout = 52>>\n<<set $followers = 1900>>\n\n[[Good Morning]]
You tweet your succcess story. Others will emulate you. By this time next week, Crest will file for bankruptcy.\n\nAnyway.\n\nYou are probably late for work now.\n\nYou can...\n\n[[Put on your Ralph Lauren clothing]].\n[[Throw on whatever's on the floor]].\n\n<<set $stability = $stability - 10 >>\n\n<<display 'Status'>>
You currently have <<print $consumerPoints>> ConsumerPoints.\nYou currently have <<print $adWatcherPoints>> AdWatcherPoints.\nYou have walked <<print $steps>> steps.\n\nGovernment stability:\n<<if $stability eq 100>> Serene. <<endif>><<if $stability eq 90>> A bit troubled. <<endif>><<if $stability eq 80>> We'll soon shake your windows and rattle your walls. <<endif>><<if $stability eq 70>> The economy has collapsed.<<endif>><<if $stability eq 60>> The people have been tear-gassed.<<endif>><<if $stability eq 50>> The politicans have been lynched.<<endif>><<if $stability eq 40>> Fire. Fire everywhere.<<endif>><<if $stability eq 30>> The people are eating Ikea furniture.<<endif>><<if $stability eq 20>> The Ikea furniture is eating the people.<<endif>><<if $stability lte 10>> What a clusterfuck.<<endif>>
Your daily Developer Rank is <<print $devRank>>.\nYour Klout is <<print $klout>>.\nYour follower count is <<print $followers>>.
You tweet your succcess story. Others will emulate you. By this time next week, the global tech industry will have collapsed.\n\nAnyway.\n\n[[Time to head home]].\n\n<<set $stability = $stability - 30 >>\n<<display 'Status'>>\n<<display 'DevStatus'>>
You grab some of your clothes piled up on the floor and hastily pull them on. Your clothing sensors buzz unhappily, you don't really match very well today. You have to bear the shame of knowing that you won't get a single point from brands. This means that you won't be eligible for coupons later. It's a bummer, but you don't really have time to worry about it.\n\n[[Better head to work]].\n\n<<display 'Status'>>
Wow, you look sharp. Your clothing sensors chirp happily. You did a great job matching today. You get a bonus 1500 points from Ralph Lauren!\n\nYou gush with pride, knowing everyone will see the little man on a horse logo on your left pocket and know that you're classy as fuck. Plus, each person that sees it counts as an impression for the brand, so you'll be racking up points that you can apply towards a coupon! \n\n[[Better head to work]].\n[[Take off clothing]].\n\n<<set $consumerPoints = $consumerPoints + 1500>>\n<<set $steps = $steps + 10>>\n\n<<display 'Status'>>
You walk around the neighborhood for about 10 minutes, that should be more than enough.\n\n<<display 'enter house'>>\n\n<<set $steps = 10455>>
A black hole forms in the city. By tomorrow morning, the city will be destroyed.\n\nOops?\n\n[[Go into your home|enter house]].\n\n<<set $steps = -1>>\n<<set $stability = $stability - 10 >>\n<<display 'Status'>>
"Yes."\n\nTHE END
You make a lot of bullshit commits and get 2000 points towards your developer rank.\n\n[[I have to tell the world!|git]]\n\n<<set $devRank = $devRank + 2000>>\n\n<<display 'Status'>>\n<<display 'DevStatus'>>
RocketJump -Ification
You take ten steps backward. You lose 10 step points.\n\nYour sensors are very angry and chirp more shrilly.\n\n[[Walk backwards for 9601 paces]].\n\n<<set $steps = 9601>>\n<<display 'Status'>>
You have now walked 0 steps today.\n\n40 steps ago, your sensors were so loud and shrill that they destroyed every glass pane within three blocks.\n\n[[Take another step back]].\n\n<<set $steps = 0>>\n<<display 'Status'>>
ou shrug and head inside. The step counters are a guideline anyway, and you were close enough. \n\n<<display 'enter house'>>
After an exhausting day, you're beat, so you head to Starbucks and order a skinny vanilla latte. You get a fucking Venti, because you deserve it, plus you're tired.\n\nThe happy chiming of your sensors reminds you that you've visited Starbucks for fourteen days consecutively! This means you're elligible for a free app! You excitedly pull out your mobile phone to see what app the Starbucks App Store unlocked for you. Holy shit, it's Frappy Bird! It's kinda like that Flappy Bird game but instead of being developed by some douchebag indie developer who can just take it down for some shitty reason like "I'm worried that it's hurting people" (pfft, whatever), it's part of the Starbucks Brand Experience. By playing the game, you'll unlock more rewards that you can use in Starbucks stores.\n\nThis day is shaping up great!\n\nYou hop onto the train and head back to your apartment. Most of the way you play Frappy Bird, but you remembered that you hadn't made up the AdWatcher Points you lost earlier from cutting off the Belize ad. You scan the train for some interactives, and stare at them for several stops. You know that they all have your UniqueID now, so you can expect emails and SMS ads from them, but there's not much to do about that.\n\nYou're almost home when your sensors start chirping angrily. You've only walked 9611 steps today, and you need to walk 10,000.\n\nYou can...\n\n[[Walk a few extra blocks]].\n[[Head inside anyway]].\n[[Walk backwards]].\n\n<<set $steps = 9611>>\n<<set $adWatcherPoints = $adWatcherPoints + 300>>\n\n<<display 'Status'>>
You stare at the wall, contemplating the eggshell white. Who decided that eggshell was the color of all apartment walls, anyway? You contemplate this for some time, wondering who it was that even named the paint color "eggshell". You realize eggs come in a variety of colors. Were they talking about chicken eggs? Most chicken eggs are brown, if you recall correctly. So what's up with this off white hue?\n\nYou realize you don't have time to brush your teeth anymore. You have to get ready for work.\n\nYou can...\n\n[[Put on your Ralph Lauren clothing]].\n[[Throw on whatever's on the floor]].\n\n<<display 'Status'>>
"That's wonderful! I'm happy that you're happy."\n\nYou kiss your partner on the cheek and sit down on the living room couch together. You muse over what food to order, then realize that if you order an extra appetizer, you have enough points for a Foodler t-shirt. That's pretty awesome. So you go ahead and do it.\n\nThe food arrives not long after and you turn on the TV.\n\n"Honey, do you mind? I need to catch up on my AdWatcher points today, so can we watch that Ford Escape show?"\n\n"Of course," you say.\n\nYou stare into the screen for a half an hour while shoveling fried rice into your mouth. The show is awful, but it does give a lot of points.\n\n"Sweetie, let's [[go to bed]]."\n\nYou just nod. \n\n<<set $adWatcherPoints = $adWatcherPoints + 300>>\n<<display 'Status'>>
You walk to the train station and swipe your Rider Card to enter. The gate beeps appreciatively and the small plaxigless doors slide aside to let you pass. Your watch tells you you've achieved 12 Carbon Credits by riding public transportation. Later, you'll be able to apply those to a tax credit.\n\nYou walk down onto the platform and a billboard across the tracks picks up on your UniqueID frequencey. It used to be that all devices had their own ID's, now they're all just considered an extenstion of the user, so UniqueID was created. An attractive person of your gender preference awakens on the screen.\n\n"Hey there! I noticed you're only 300 points away from getting your next SkyMiles Reward Perk. Why not apply it to a beautiful vacation in Belize? In Belize, you can—"\n\nYou swipe to cut the advertisement off. -10 AdWatcher Points. Oh well, you'll make it up later.\n\nYou walk around the terminal a bit, hoping that a few people at least have their Nintendo StreetPass on, so you can rack up some points.\n\nSoon the train arrives, and the crowds of people get on.\n\nYou look at your Rider Card pensively.\n\n[[Board the train]].\n[[Throw the rider card into the train]].\n\n<<set $consumerPoints = $consumerPoints + 12>>\n<<set $adWatcherPoints = $adWatcherPoints - 10>>\n<<set $steps = $steps + 4000>>\n\n<<display 'Status'>>
You tweet your succcess story. Others will emulate you. By this time next week, the city's entire public transportation system will file for bankruptcy.\n\nAnd by the end of the month, the municipal infrastructures of all cities in the country will be in ruins.\n\nAnyway.\n\n[[Board the train]].\n\n<<set $stability = $stability - 20 >>\n\n<<display 'Status'>>
You sit down at your desk and start plugging away. You're on fire! Fixing bugs, checking in code, doing all sorts of useful developer things, since you'e a developer. Even though you don't get a lot of credit or attention (usually the Sales guys get that) you feel pretty great about the work you do. Plus, since you are a skilled laborer, you make good money and live very comfortably in your apartment, even though you are in debt from your student loans. Only $80,000 left though!\n\nYou achieve 15 commits today, giving you 150 points towards your developer rank, and improving your entire team's Velocity.\n\nYou're really delivering on challenging problems that are going to really change the way that other people interact with their computers, or mobile phones, or other expensive devices. \n\n[[Time to head home]].\n\n<<set $devRank = $devRank + 150>>\n\n<<display 'Status'>>\n<<display 'DevStatus'>>
The train leaves with your card, but not you.\n\nYou wait patiently at the station and ignore the goddamn ads.\n\nYou wait few hours for the train to return and find that you have gained 60 Carbon Credits.\n\n[[I have to tell the world!|train]]\n<<set $consumerPoints = $consumerPoints + 60>>\n<<set $adWatcherPoints = $adWatcherPoints - 100>>\n<<set $steps = $steps + 5>>\n\n<<display 'Status'>>
You arrive at your workplace. It's an office building, since you are part of what is cheekily referred to as the "intellectual labor economy". You develop software, or services, or software as a service, or something similar. Your company is really proud of what they do, and everyone tweets about your achievements as a company regularly. This makes a big difference, and helps drive brand impressions.\n\nYou currently have 1900 followers on twitter, which isn't bad, but isn't great either. You estimate that up to 8% of them are bots. You're only following 1200 people though, so this means you're doing pretty well and it impacts your Klout, which matters. Other people that do intellectual labor jobs like you care about things like Klout and tweets. It's part of your personal brand. Also important.\n\nYour boss acknowledges you and you hear a tiny ping as the sensors in your clothes pick up his retinal movement as an impression.\n\n"Nice to see you." He smiles.\n\nHe is an attractive, smart, white man who came from a nice family and got a good education. He probably has like a million points.\n\nYour Developer Rank is determined by how many code commmits you do per day. You get 15 points per commit, and you're expected to commit between 90-150 points per day. The more points you achieve, the greater your Velocity. A good Velocity affects the whole team, as per Agile.\n\nYou can\n[[Get down to work, making things that really matter]]!\n[[Blankly browse the internet for the better part of the day]].\n[[Make lots of awful, useless git merges and then re-commit to undo them]].\n\n<<set $consumerPoints = $consumerPoints + 50>>\n<<set $steps = $steps + 500>>\n\n<<display 'Status'>>\n<<display 'DevStatus'>>
You wake up. Things are fucking awesome today! The air is bright and it smells like fresh Downy dryer sheets. You feel full of purpose and you can't wait to get started with your day.\n\nYou can...\n\n[[Brush your teeth]].\n[[Stare at the wall]].\n[[Brush the sink]].\n\n<<display 'Status'>>
You ride the train.\n\nEveryone stares at the advertisements or graciously looks at one another's branded clothes, racking up impressions.\n\nPeople are noticing your nice duds. Racking up sweet sweet points.\n\n[[Your stop, better head into the office]].\n\n<<set $consumerPoints = $consumerPoints + 50>>\n<<set $steps = $steps + 5>>\n\n<<display 'Status'>>
You lay in bed, thinking over everything that happened today.\n\nYou wonder how your life is progressing. If you're doing anything right, or anything wrong...\n\nYou've done everything you're supposed to. You went to college, you got a good job, you found a mate, you've been racking up points left and right. Soon, you'll be eligible for rewards.\n\nSo many rewards.\n\nIt's worth it, isn't it?\n\nOr is every day just a repetetive march into a seemingly trivial existence? \n\nGood night.
You browse the internet, staring for something that will amuse or inspire you. You visit your Facebook and briefly get into an argument with one of your friends over whether or not a comic book movie was any good. Fuck that guy, he's an idiot.\n\nYou go to reddit and look at cute pictures. The kittens doing funny things with their paws is pretty fucking great.\n\nYou briefly read about international news. Something in Syria is bad, you're too bored to read the whole article. There's some kind of issue about gay rights and Uganda but you're sick of hearing about marriage equality so you skip it. Russia's mustering troops on the Ukranian border, and the pics from that are pretty fucking sweet so you spend a decent amount of time looking at those. You find a really cool pic and post it on your facebook. Now all your freinds will know that you pay attention to international politics, which makes you better than them.\n\nTowards the end of the day you end up making the minimum 6 commits that you need in order to get your 90 points. This is not great, but it's good enough that no one will notice or talk to you about it. \n\n[[Time to head home]].\n\n<<set $devRank = $devRank + 90>>\n<<set $steps = $steps + 20>>\n<<set $klout = $klout + 1>>\n<<set $followers = $followers + 12>>\n\n<<display 'Status'>>\n<<display 'DevStatus'>>
A thought occurs to you.\n\nYou take off your Ralph Lauren clothing and then put it back on again.\n\nYou receive 1500 points.\n\n[[Do it again]].\n\n<<set $consumerPoints = $consumerPoints + 1500>>\n<<set $steps = $steps + 10>>\n\n<<display 'Status'>>\n\n
You head inside and are greeted warmy by your partner of your gender preference.\n\n"Hi sweetheart, how was your day?"\n\n"[[Great! I feel like I got a lot done]]"\n"[[Honestly?]]"\n<<if $stability lte 50>>"[[Want to drink cheap wine, have passionate sex, and watch the world burn?]]"<<endif>>\n\n<<display 'Status'>>
"Honestly? I'm not really sure that anything I am doing is actually meaningful. I feel like I'm just whittling away time until I die. I mean, what's the point in all this? Do you ever feel like that?"\n\n"No... not really. Well, did you at least get your Developer Points for today?"\n\n"Yes..."\n\n<<display 'Great! I feel like I got a lot done'>>
You brush your teeth and you recieve 15 points from Crest! Way to go, you're on a roll. If you brush your teeth just 3 more days in a row, you'll be entitled to a discount coupon giving you 20% off your next Crest purchase.\n\n\n\nBetter hurry and get ready for work!\n\nYou can...\n\n[[Put on your Ralph Lauren clothing]].\n[[Throw on whatever's on the floor]].\n\n<<set $consumerPoints = $consumerPoints + 15>>\n<<set $steps = $steps + 32>>\n\n<<display 'Status'>>
Seth Alter