The Rutherford B. Hayes Academy for Academic Excellence


(Re-posted as a Kickstarter Update)

Construction began on the Rutherford B. Hayes Academy for Academic Excellence in March 2014 C.E. Originally, the facility was plagued by a lack of wall textures, a hideous camera angle, a blurry and broken user interface, and the inability of teachers to walk. Since time immemorial, Subaltern Games has worked to improve the Academy. Below is one of the earliest screenshots that scholars have found:

62e9645375069cdaddf97a554f63ccb8_large

As the centuries passed, Subaltern Games successfully crafted not-blurry UI windows (although they still did not work) and added wall and floor textures. As desks had not yet been invented at this point in history, the team was forced to make do with abstract yellow squares:b698a22484a24b21f860e1cd78d5ce1a_large

By August 2014 C.E. the art direction for the RBHAfAE had drastically improved. Work crews had install lights and modified the pineapples so that they could cast shadows. The building itself was entirely restructured, and many critical additions, such as doors, water fountains, and chalkboards were added. It was with this art style that Subaltern Games launched their Kickstarter Campaign:9baa5cba5b74ab9270610f37b1394e33_largeHowever, the group agreed that the art had become too complicated. In the interests of Progress, the aesthetic was simplified and refined to reflect the stark atmosphere of the game. Below is an early
sketch of what the game would become:

b0eebc9288c61421430a313a10d5632b_large

Alternative Kickstarter History

Even as No Pineapple Left Behind’s Kickstarter vaulted from strength to strength, important advances were being made by other Kickstarters. Though an exhaustive list would be impossible within the confines of this manuscript, below are two examples:cff8e615a86c044a71fdf6aa74e2c6c1_large

Elegy for a Dead World was a game about looking about pretty old things and writing stories about them. This undergrad history major (earnestly!) approved of this depiction of retroactive collective memory.

9aafe3978248f85461046c2f5ba3db0b_large

 

The Flame in the Flood was a rafting-down-a-river rogue-like developed by some ex-Irrational folks in Boston, MA. It had a cool, cool aesthetic, an amazing soundtrack, and a bittersweet post-industrial-collapse soulful-Americana vibe going on.

Key Vocab Words

Kickstarter Campaign: That thing you’ve been meaning to tell your friends about

Progress: The local newspaper in North Caldwell, NJ

Rutherford B. Hayes Academy for Academic Excellence: A school in Boston. Take the yellow line outbound towards Longfellow and get off at Coleman Square. Take the 39 bus three stops towards Forest Hills; the school will be on your right.

Squares: Dorks, dweebs, etc.

Time immemorial: The age of all nationalistic identities

Study Questions

Which of these locations does not exist in Boston?

A) Salacus Fields

B) Petty Coil

C) Strack Island

D) Brock Marsh

E) Creekside

What is the significance of the Battle of Manzikert?

A) Massive Ottoman defeat at the hands of Holy Roman Emperor Leopold I

B) Inspired 20th-century rise of Turkish nationalism

C) Siege of Vienna began

D) Massive Byzantine defeat at the hands of Seljuk Sultan Alp Arslan

“Actually, I can’t hang out this weekend, I have plans to…”

A) Stare at a blank wall

B) Tell all of my friends about this Kickstarter campaign

C) Learn how to knit

 

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *